Wow.
Those of you that know me, know that first and foremost I've always been a writer. I've always felt the unshakeable feeling that I was bursting from the inside out with emotion and words that would only leave me alone if I committed them to paper.
Of late though, I've been waist-deep in the enemy of all who hope to share their words with the world: writer's block. Bad. I felt that nothing I had to say was good enough, felt that nothing that I had to say had not already been said by someone able to say it with with more wit, enthusiasm and intelligence. I felt I had nothing more to say for the longest time. Then I got cancer.
Today is the first day in a long journey that I intend to win. It came as no surprise thankfully that when the doctor told me today that I have lymphoma, as that is what we had been told was the best possibility. It's very strange to hear the sentence out of my mother's mouth, "Well, thank goodness he has lymphoma!" The doctor is not yet sure what kind of lymphoma it is. It could be T-Cell or Hodgkin's lymphoma. Both are very curable. I probably will not start chemotherapy for a few weeks, as I have an appointment at MUSC in Charleston to get an additional biopsy. As soon as we know for sure what it is, I will immediately start treatment. That's when the fun starts.
But I don't write this blog to make anyone feel sorry for me, or anything like that.
I am writing because I finally have something to say. I finally have a story to tell. This is my tale. My tale of a disease that has fought and won against many a foe, but one that I plan not only to beat, but tear into a million pieces and flush down the metaphorical toilet of life.
The sentence "I have cancer" is one that most of us never believe we will have to say, to ourselves or anyone else. Well, I do have to learn to say that phrase. But not for long. I can follow it with the words "for right now," or "and it doesn't scare me."
I plan to tell the story. My story. And I won't mince words or spare any details.
I've often written and said that there are several reasons that human beings have been so dedicated to applying our words to paper since time immemorial. One of them is to show that we were here; to show that what we are experiencing now has been experienced before and has been defeated before, no matter if it is heartbreak, death, or disease.
Well, here I am. And here you are. And here we are. Whether you are reading this is as I begin my battle in May of 2013 or many ages hence through the power of the internet, here we are. I'm going to make it, and so are you, whatever your fight entails. Come with me on a journey unlike any other. I don't know everything that's going to happen, but one day I will look back and know it all.
Screw cancer. As my friends and I always say -
Let's do this dance.
I love you all. Talk to you soon.
Matt
