A Soldier Before Dawn

I don't like to admit that I am an overly impatient person, because I do have my moments of virtue in that regard. Heck, a large portion of my working life has been with kids, working at various Boys & Girls Clubs and tutoring people from young age to college-aged adults in a foreign language. So I have my moments of patience, more than a few.

But trying to get a diagnosis for this disease is killing me. In my professional life as a journalist and as a radio personality, knowing what is going on in the moment is vital. I thrive off of the latest information, minus speculation, and use that to make the best decision possible.

So, when the phone rang today and the screen illuminated the number and location of my oncology doctors, I assumed that this was the call that would shed light on what stage of lymphoma I had and at least fire the gun to get us off and running toward starting chemotherapy.

But no. Not yet. Not enough tissue to make a diagnosis. Need to schedule another biopsy. The words flowed off the tongue of the nurse so effortlessly but for some reason didn't quite fit into my ears; they definitely did not make it into my brain. Every other word spelled out my most recent and hated fear: the unknown. More of the unknown.

From the advantageous perspective of a few hours later, I know that there is more that we do know than there is that we do not. I do have lymphoma. Most likely Hodgkin's, the so-called "Cadillac of Cancers." My bone marrow and bones are not involved, meaning it is most likely stage 3. Very treatable with chemotherapy.

But until the doctors can narrow down a firm diagnosis, they cannot formulate a proper treatment plan. To use a treatment for one form of lymphoma on another could prove to be disastrous. So, I understand the necessity of knowing exactly what enemy we are up against. But still. The unknown is where we sit at the moment.

I am scheduled to meet the doctor tomorrow to set up for my surgery later this week or early next week. Your continued prayers are appreciated as always. I know that I'm going to beat this. There is no other option than victory. That is a given. But right now I feel like a soldier before dawn, ready for the battle of his life that he knows will lead to the promised land. My finger is on the trigger and I can see the finish line. I just need my orders and I can start running.

Thank you all for running alongside me. Let's do this dance.

I'll keep you all posted.

God Bless -

Matty