--It's a joke that I used to make all of the time. Heck, I still say that when someone chastises me for my strange love of the way gasoline smells or tells me that the cigarette in my mouth is going to give me the disease.
The funny thing is, while experts and researchers are constantly pumping out new drugs and treatments for cancer, not as much is known about what causes one's cells to all of a sudden grow and reproduce uncontrollably.
Sure, there are things we all know MAY cause cancer, from tobacco in all its forms to the little pink sugar packets on the table. But I am not "laboratory mice," so it is probably not smart for me to get lost in the whys or hows of my cancer.
Putting that aside, I can't tell you what having cancer feels like. But I can tell you what it feels like to me.
I will first say that I never get sick. I mean never. I have always been of the belief that most illnesses begin and end in one's mind and can be overcome mentally. Most think this is horse-poo-but I have always subscribed to this, and rarely have I been sick for more than 24 hours.
That said, the first thing I noticed was my shoulders hurt. Both of them, and no where else. It was almost like an arthritic pain, which I do have in my knees from injuries playing tennis in high school, but the shoulder pain was new. I assumed I may have injured one or both of them sleeping on a friends couch or something, and my doctor put me on steroids. The pain went away while I was on the medicine, but returned soon after I completed my regimen.
Back to the doctor, and more steroids. The steroids were great because they made me not hurt, but as soon as the regimen was completed again, here came the pain. It hurt so bad I could barely lift my arms some days.
Within a few weeks I had back pain, and then the kicker. Stomach pain like I had never experienced. It radiated my whole abdomen and into my back. I couldn't sleep it hurt so bad. So, after a sleepless weekend, my parents decided to take me to the hospital. I was immediately admitted with a case of pancreatitis, inflammation of the pancreas.
I swear I have never since before I was 21 been interrogated about my drinking habits as much as I was that first night in the hospital. One of the biggest reasons to get pancreatitis is heavy alcohol use. The doctors did not find my answer "I'm a 25 year old dude, what do you think?" sufficient or humorous. Doctors. Tough crowd. They ordered a CT scan of my abdomen, and later an MRI of my chest and abdomen.
I will talk more later on about actually being told for the first time that I may have cancer and how my family handled it, but long story short, these tests showed masses in my chest cavity, on the lower right lobe of my lung, on my adrenal glands, and cysts in my kidneys. This prompted the biopsy, a ridiculously painful procedure that I'll detail later as well.
All in all, I'm still not afraid. I know that God has a reason for this test, and I will get through this and realize what is in store for me yet. Cancer sucks, but being tired all the time and in pain is a small inconvenience in light of what others suffer every day around the world.
God bless you all and thank you for your thoughts and prayers,
Matty P
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